How love can change your life....

I don't know where to begin. For anyone who actually reads my blog, you would have discovered there is a common thread throughout my poetry.....light/dark. Most of my obsessions have been about the dark, and for years now it has been "my monkey on my back" I have carried this burden of pending blindness, and the fear of what my life will be like.

Enter SABOTAGE, my belief is that if I ruin things before they ruin me than that's alright...THAT is all wrong...

While I have been consumed in darkness I didn't even realise that there was something far bigger in my life...LIGHT, a life full of amazing colour and joy and love.

I want to say say that the revelation came easily but it hasn't, I've missed out on opportunity through avoiding failure and disappointment. I've said no to things because of fear, I've said no to life because I really believed I didn't deserve it. That's reality, we all do it.

However, over the past few weeks, something in a small way has shifted. Something very small but enough for me to just feel different. I believe in love....and I believe if you give it in your everything it can free you on so many levels. It has broken me. But it's broken me in half and I feel my light.

The result has been creation. I will be showing a piece of art at my mothers art show, based around "scattered vision" and how light is so powerful. Thanks Mum for pushing me to see the story in my life. I know you as my mother struggle with my darkness but you have guided me strong and guided me independant and now you have shown me that my life has to create, and if I become half the artist she is I will be happy.

I also must thank my friend Melanie, her friendship has opened my mind to so many creative possibilities, and constantly I am grateful for her. I am constantly taken back to my writing where things seem clear to me, thanks to Melanie for YOU!!! Love your motto in with love-out with love.

I think she may be onto something....

you brush your hand across my heart
as you strip me back
to the seed that rests in my lung


you carve your name
into my wound that you healed
while you whisper your tiredness around my dreams


you hold my hurt
and my weakness in your breath
as you become the calm that clings to my throat


you have shown me love
in the warmth of your touch
as you peel away the darkness from me

My devotion

I stand amongst love

I am embraced by devotion

I feel close to my centered self

impossible

The song is not mine

closing my eyes

feeling trapped in

the shards of a

broken song

the blind mans stick

worn from seeing

his vision deeper

than mine

my ticket

only rides the one

direction 

the crying birds

2012 meets me with surprise, 2012 meets me with words, 2012 meets me

the crying birds

sung for the fallen one

that dropped from the moon’s eye

dressed in plain clothes

their wails filled the morning sky

dreams meet dawn’s first glance

like the fallen wings on my windowsill

the falls

The below poem comes from two inspirations firstly from a poem by Borges called "My Whole Life", this inspired my friend Melanie to write her own version and can be read at 

http://melanie.selemidis.com/

This then inspired me to write my own version........

Here once again amongst the shadows of the past

I kept memories of the bushland that danced on the river’s edge

I have stood under towering metal and gazed at its breaking light

I have listened to words sung in places so divine

I have bathed under waters of paradise where sacred women now rest

I have sat with the pain stored in little boxes nestled in the dark

I have clutched at your hand as we exhaled summers breath

I believe the resting spirit will awaken

                when day pushes down night

HEART THINK

Waiting for you

You are late

Mist floats from my mouth

My heart quivers

Darkness waits with me

You promised

                Here I am

DESIRE

My housemates call my room the Indian Bazaar, because candles and incense burn, lights are low, beautiful colours of gold’s, purples and oranges surround me, little ornaments and keepsakes are blessed and music is played.  To me it is my room, my place, my space, my calm.  I need that, we all need that space where we are untouched and safe and at peace.....this is where I sit now.

Today I sat by Merri Creek, the grass comforted me, the running water was calming, I lay on the grass watching the clouds pass above me listening to music and enjoying my own company, who would have thought in suburban Preston one would feel lost in nature....

Your heart catches my gaze

I see its aching

Nestled in the depth of you

I see its travels

Criss crossed with dead ends and

Winding paths

Your heart looks into my vision

Imprinting your longing within me

I feel its confusion

Resting amongst me

I feel it’s broken pieces

Wanting to be met with mine

Your hearts thoughts

Intertwine throughout my

Confusion

And my needing you

But rubbing against the knowing

You are not mine to have

I grope at the flesh between us

Why can’t you give me your everything?

Leave my heart with something

Apart from this longing that will not fade



MY LOVE

Upon the shelf

A jar of glass remains

To the brim

Liquid heart lies knowingly

Years of being untouched

Or open

The dust of spirit

Falls and remains

Embedding the jar deep

Buried amongst the past

You stand and observe

Waiting for time

To spell thoughts for you

Adrenalin moves the fragments

Penetrating through the glass

Drowning in loves fluid

You think my name

As you part your lips

A flowing whisper falls

Exhaling

Blowing the dust and cutting

Through the silence

Your love elevates the heart

From the resting shelf

The heart craving you

And not you the heart

FOR THE BIRDS

The breeze carrying relief

Brushing against the uncertainty

Of bare skin

Waiting, watching

The passing captures the joy

Making the branches dance

As the scent of rain

Fills the memory

Where morning bike rides

And winters dawn

Dress our spirits

The cool air

Cleanses away our dreams

And realities shadow

Fill our lungs with doubt

Flickering specks of darkness

Pushing the conscious mind to fade

And thoughts of nothingness

Erode the earth

Slowly crumbling

Clutching at the air

Fumbling amongst nothingness

The heart expands

You are my freedom

Autumn Dress

The rushing waters

Sweeping away the sadness

Burns a hole in my heart

Broken by the desire

That takes hold

In the metal clutches

Of muddy soil

Swallowing the earth

It’s time to let go

The drying eyes

That thinks alone

While waiting to fall

Forging a path

Amongst the leaves

Amber and gold

Oranges and browns

Mixed with death

Dressing the spirit in light

A dress made of autumn silk

THE REMAINING CHILD

The orange glow

Circling her face

The flickering flame

Reflecting in the dark of her eyes

I see you I want to say

But I can’t

I can only watch her

She holds the flame

And brilliance begins to rise

And there is intense warmth

A moment we share

Shadows quiver above us

Like fluttering birds

I wonder if she can feek my flame
Our flame

The substance within me

The flare that ignites

And the ashes that remain

Does she know I need her light?

My warmth
Her warmth
Our luminous glow

Without that

I am nothing

Swooping Light

Fixated in a moment

Where explosive vocal chords

Are heard like whispers

Undercover breath

Are silent screams

Like a deaf confession

Or memory broken

Exposing the time

As the swooping force

Plummets down

Blanketing shaking shadows

To take cover in obscurity

The past is swept away

Like forgotten flowers

Scattered upon the aging stone

And a flood is released

Cleansing the earth

Watching

Immersed in the rising foam

Bearing down on the coarse crust

The anguishing flesh

Flushes away traces of mould

Leaving only the remains of what is pure

                          The light

DEPTH

Poem 13......
Back arched toward
The morning light
Tip toeing through
The grass
Dampness
As love rises
Alone
Amongst the earths

First movement
My ears feel your music
Your shadow
Draped over my left shoulder
You penetrate my wanting
As you brush over my being

                    patience

Clutching at what was
Wanting, as you cover me
Like a darkened cloak
Pressuring me to request you
Trembling as I hold what you were
Treading in the colour of your vision
Filled with blues and orange
No longer powerful
You hear my tears
Full of hollow movement
You take my heart
I am
I am

THE MORNING TRAIN

The last few days I have been writing a series of different poems, that funnily enough have somehow become connected in some way, they are three separate poems, yet they are one.....my dreams have been vivid and  they have traveled in my thoughts this week

Dawn amongst the

Silent breeze

Broken light

Decorates the blank pages

Colouring the unspoken

Words

Clawing at

Denied thoughts

The heart listening

As silent patience

Stays trapped in a knowing

Place

The asking heart

Sheds its sadness

Sitting lonely

Stitched up from isolated

Pieces of thread woven

Amongst the

                      

              flesh

6:34 the dream felt

Screeching sounds

Like rusty gates

Low hung clouds

Under my foot

As spicy salami lingers

Amongst the sleepers

And the grease shines

On her chin

 Nauseating my heart

My words true

Street lights

Train lights

The light in your heart

Turn off

Archways twitch

Music is played

Held tightly

In a coffee mug

Green flowery dreams

Warm the hands

One more chance

At happiness

His tie of blue

Watching

My love is yours

Caught in the nightmare

Oriental lions protect the

Entrance

Morning light broken

By a thumping soul

The rush of looking for

                        Love

That treks the hills

Looking for comfort

As her cracked lips

Call for the sky to come

Toward you.

Bending on the turn

Slowly pulling away

The book I carry

Bent from the hungry desire

Of being held

Hurts in my hands

Lost amongst searching

Following the ribbon

Draped from the window

The memories wait

Amongst the pages

Of cool water

And sweet lingering perfume

Surrounding the weightless

Stones that sink

As the floatless heart

Is embroidered

With silky wet moss

Seeking approval

That can't be controlled

MISSING JULIANNE

Craving
Knowing
Fretting
Forgetting
Heart withheld
Tune
Scratching
Breathing
Simply
Listening
Gnawing
Empty sadness
Longing
For you
Thoughts
Memories
Forever captured
In my heart

PARADISE OF STRANGERS

The desire, the need and the want, clearly are not enough to create a poem every day, yet the challenge is not anywhere near over, I still have the whole year yet so not giving in (just yet).  This week I began a new journey, one with a book (thanks for the gift Melanie!!!), that I hope to write about at a later stage, but the torch was passed to me and now a light shines, waiting for me to step into it....for that I am excited....

You cross me deeply                                                 
As the moment stands in a stillness
I can't see
My life
But as I wait
The contemplative mind rests
Engaged in delivering a presence
Draped in the blemish of love
Touched with fragments of green
The vessel of light
Held tight inside
Captures
Dreams folded into small packages
With string and nots
Only to be opened in darkness
The colour of love
As you cross me
Where there is no hope
Just a silent soul

Anne Elvey and Best Australian Poems 2010

Today I treated myself to some delights, including reading my newest book of poetry, Best Australian Poems 2010, immersed in the words and feeling my mind drifted into a world of feelings and perceptions of those such as Bruce Dawe, Lisa Gorton, Josephine Rowe, Claire Gaskin (my favourite poet!), just to name a few.  Today I discovered Anne Elvey, who I have just fallen in love with.  Not only a poet she also is a researcher, with interest in ecological ethics and cultural change. Below is one of her poems included in Best Australian Poems 2010.  This inspired my own poem (thats coming!) still working on it.  Today I was blessed......

A passenger from the childhood house
The sheen on things under blue
and the cool acreage of canary
light has not a hint of crimson

with the idea of sky over the bay.
Save tomorrow, the poster says,
from things that eat organs, things
that multiply in vessels, cells
skimming the venous and arterial
roads. (The careful knife
under the skin prises, cleaving
the old idea and the good)
Nanna can smell the rain
coming; she scents the hunger
of the soil. When my surfaces are raw
and ragged, like a tree shedding,
I wander in memory. The past
tastes bitter and lovely
(don't stitch me up too soon)
the flame tree blooms
blood in the childhood yard.
A mask slips. Forgiveness
is neither random nor chosen.
New rain yaps on the roof,
the wipers scatter recollection,
intermittent with the light. Grace
throws itself into my lap
and licks my face. When it lands
on me, what can I do but laugh
at once wary and delighted.

THE CAR

POEM 7

Jasmine filled

The candle alights

Luminous and enticing

A hypnotic warmth

The scent weaves

Around memories

Reflections

Hang from the roof

Like a handwoven loom

A time

A moment

A thought

A place

This kind of love

Still beating in me

A child

I remember I remember

BY LIGHT

Poem 6.....yet I am still one behind.  This week I have focused, looked, felt, desired and touched the words.....

It floats

Dancing amongst the light

Tiny movements

Fluttering, quivering

Against dusk

Silent grabs

Coloured by the fading sky

Resting

Its dancing stops

Amused by the stillness

Emersed in the shadows

Its drawn toward

Slowly exhaling Spring

TOWARD WHAT???

Poem 5.......

Fumbling toward the night
Confusion
Company for the heart
Broken by the healing of time
The shadow of your view
Embodied by your longing
Scanning the pages for direction
A touch
The sensuality forged in signs
I can't find
As the prediction is lost
Lost in the wondering