Enter SABOTAGE, my belief is that if I ruin things before they ruin me than that's alright...THAT is all wrong...
While I have been consumed in darkness I didn't even realise that there was something far bigger in my life...LIGHT, a life full of amazing colour and joy and love.
I want to say say that the revelation came easily but it hasn't, I've missed out on opportunity through avoiding failure and disappointment. I've said no to things because of fear, I've said no to life because I really believed I didn't deserve it. That's reality, we all do it.
However, over the past few weeks, something in a small way has shifted. Something very small but enough for me to just feel different. I believe in love....and I believe if you give it in your everything it can free you on so many levels. It has broken me. But it's broken me in half and I feel my light.
The result has been creation. I will be showing a piece of art at my mothers art show, based around "scattered vision" and how light is so powerful. Thanks Mum for pushing me to see the story in my life. I know you as my mother struggle with my darkness but you have guided me strong and guided me independant and now you have shown me that my life has to create, and if I become half the artist she is I will be happy.
I also must thank my friend Melanie, her friendship has opened my mind to so many creative possibilities, and constantly I am grateful for her. I am constantly taken back to my writing where things seem clear to me, thanks to Melanie for YOU!!! Love your motto in with love-out with love.
I think she may be onto something....
you brush your hand across my heart
as you strip me back
to the seed that rests in my lung
you carve your name
into my wound that you healed
while you whisper your tiredness around my dreams
you hold my hurt
and my weakness in your breath
as you become the calm that clings to my throat
you have shown me love
in the warmth of your touch
as you peel away the darkness from me