As my light becomes dark

I intertwine my words and vision into woven light

Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts

Saturday, June 25, 2011

friendship

Friendships come in many forms and have many faces.  There are no rules in a good friendship......Below i wrote a year ago taken from words/text exchanged.....

Thanks for making my life better
She smiled
Thanks for coming back into my life in a big way
Thanks for bringing joy to my life
Thanks for caring and sharing
Thanks for believing in me
You are strong and have a beautiful soul
You are amazing and I believe in you
She smiled
Thanks for being you
The you I love

Words by Melanie and Sarah......all with love

Friday, June 24, 2011

INSPIRED BY LAURA LAWSON

On the 20th of August 2010 I posted my first entry on this blog

Its time to give in and let the journey begin.
May I firstly be inspired beyond my minds belief and the inspiration guide my spirit to
BE AND BELIEVE!
There are two key things here GIVE IN and BE AND BELIEVE.  I think (perhaps at times over think) the world.  I am not always convincing in my thoughts and probably at times present myself as less intuitive than in fact I am.  The reason I began this blog was to discover myself through my words and USE the words to speak through the darkness of living with Retinitis Pigmentosa.
A year ago I began the search for other young visually impaired artists, particularly writers to follow and be inspired by and I began following a gifted young woman, Laura Lawson, on Facebook and reading her blog Believing is Seeing.  This was the first blog that I found, ironically I soon discovered Laura too lives her life with RP, she is a gifted artist and was presented with the loss of sight as I was at an age where her life was full and the dreams were budding, the heart was alive and then BANG the"gift" of RP fell in her lap.  Today, on my train journey home from work I read an article that Laura wrote for Motif Magazine, which has cemented me in a place I have never been before.  I have had moments throughout my life where I have known that where I am is right, but after reading this article I felt a sense of self that sits in my heart.

The article is titled Believing is Seeing(page 29) http://motifmag.com/index.html

I want to highlight the word gift because I think that there is a curse of losing your sight when you paint, write, create anything through sight, where you heavily rely on visual cues to provide inspiration, direction and creation and to be faced with losing the key to the creation means you are losing your dream, your purpose,YOU.  However, once working through the grief the realisation is that the loss is also the gain, the gift.  This is because you are forced to open your heart, your mind and your soul to a world that would not have been experienced without the loss.  I personally draw most of my inspiration through what I don't see visually but what I see through my spirit and from this I write.  What I write I admit is not always uplifting and mostly about loss, but for me this is part of the acceptance of the gradual loss of sight.

Yesterday I was trying to work out how I can convince my world how much I have gained through the journey of loss.  I realise its not something I can convince anyone of, its something felt or experienced. For ME I find little joy in struggling visually, but I hope I do make it to a safe place where I can accept that I am NOT just my eyesight.  Where I am at now is still in a mixed up churning river, caught in the current and am trying to swim to the shore of safety.......in the mean time it is the observations and poetry and hundreds of photos of fading sunlight skies and breaking dawns that will help me to float.

Earlier this week I was told "tell a story" and you know what THIS is my story, the shades of light and dark, the shadows, the fear of loss and being left alone and deserted.

a story
tell a story
feel the words
the fumbling
know the sunshine
wear it like the dress
with the pink button
you know that dress
folded into the yellow
and orange pleats
is the child
who danced
and glided in the air
holding out little hands
she still cups her hands
towards the sky
given away dreams
as the stars fall
from the neatly draped
night
buring the child in the soul
the rich earth
which feeds the presence
the child never forgets
her heart remains nestled
beside the longing spirit
her love endless
even when the darkness falls
she will remain

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

THE GIFT

My heart is open
And all I was, is shown
The ripple of doubt
Flows in and out of my shore
Dampening the sands of self
The dreams seep into my mind
As the sun and moon cross paths
The notes of my tune
Empty from my mouth
Like a hollow strumming noise
My offering
Is given up
Is it a gift
Or a curse?


Sunday, October 10, 2010

VOMITING IN MY MOUTH AND SWALLOWING IT

A lovely evening shared with Damien and Jules.

Julianne.  My soul sister....I met her 5 years ago, when we owned DC's Cafe, she managed Boost and every morning, she would stop off at the cafe for a coffee.  To begin with we had nothing but idle chatter, complain about our hours, the fools the frequented Northland.  But as time went on we developed a friendship.  Well actually before that I must say she begged to be my friend (hahahahha, not really!!!) but she begged me week in and week out to come with her crew to Trivia at the local pub.  Week in and week out I would say no, not wanting to be a tag along, not knowing anyone and all these other little insecurities.  My Mum pointed out to me that Jules had asked me 3 times and I should at least do the courtesy of accepting her invitation.  So I did, and 5 years later and lots of different team members she and I STILL are a show at Trivia.

So that's where it all began for us.  She ended up working with us at the cafe, where she became the biggest of support to me.  She knows all she did, and I know all the things she did, she basically kept me going when giving up for me seemed like the only option.  She realised she wanted to be a teacher (and will be a GREAT one), fell in love with Damien (and so did I!), went to Japan, America, quit Boost, we have shared many, many, many drinks, she keeps me very leveled, and I always know when I need her, OUR normalness, no bullshit, no airy fairy emotions (that I always get trapped in), good old plain friendship.  Both being country girls, the earth and simpleness of life keeps us connected.  We both loooovvveeeee music, especially Kasey Chambers.

My soul sister.....we are the sisters without sisters.  I love that, and soon I will lose her to the outback, the earth and children of Bonya (near Alice Springs) call her.  Soon she will be my friend from a distance.  i am not ready for that yet.  So.....

ANYYYYYWAAAAYYYYYYYY.....last night we headed off to see The Wellingtons, Jules discovered and introduced them to me.  Our happy band, the band who makes you smile, the music, light and warm and beautiful.  It was fun, the city a buzz because of the Music Festival and the Fringe Festival.  Was fun, enjoyed it.

We headed back into Northcote where we decided to have dinner and drinks at The Wesley Ann, an old church turned into a pub.  Beautiful, grungy, easy going place.  Like it, good food and yep the beer was running freely....hahahah.  As usual our dissecting of the world didn't last long, we decided we don't like smug people, talked about music, work, teaching, books, my writing, but then things changed.

We, and don't ask me how arrived at my experience of vomiting in my mouth and swallowing it, while in the car on the way home from my cousins Deb a few moths ago.  Damien asked me if I had blogged about that.  Hahahaha, "NO" he said it was a good representation of life really and blogging and how people interactt and present themselves.

So as promised i said I would blog my tainted self.  hahahah....and unfortunately I see this as a wonderful (yet personally disgusting, and soooooo not proud, or dignified) moment of discovering metaphor.

Eating my words
Holding them in
The disgusting bile
That rises up my throat
Holding tightly shut
My mouth clutching
Onto the words from
My heart
My thoughts swish amongst
My teeth
The bitterness under my tongue
The gagging on truth
Asphyxiated by lies
Choking on my views
Vomiting in my mouth
And then swallowing it

Hey guys thanks for a great night.....hahhahahah