As my light becomes dark

I intertwine my words and vision into woven light

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

HAPPY 2011.....A DEDICATION TO THE PURPOSE IN MY LIFE....

…in a tree by the brook, there’s a songbird who sings sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven…
…and if you listen very hard, the tune will come to you at last when all are one and one is all…
...in case you don't know, the piper's calling you to join him...
...yes, there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run, there's still time to change the road you're on...
…and it’s whispered that soon if we all call the tune then the piper will lead us to reason and a new day will dawn for those who stand long and the forests will echo with laughter…
~jimmy page

The theme in my life this past year has involved the strength of the women that surround me.  I am blessed by their courage, humour, sense of purpose, desire, passion, compassion and love.  Each day I know I am a better person because of them.....oh and a few men have featured too, Ill squeeze them in here somewhere.

As this year began I had a clear thought, “I like poetry” and as this year ends I have a clearer thought “I AM POETRY” I am writing, I am learning, I am reading and discovering through words written and spoken.  I have spent possibly the greater part of my life searching for the thing inside me so I can have a voice that speaks for me.  When I was young I rejected all form of creativity, here I was with a mother who oozed art, discovery, creativity and I wanted everything opposite to that (well so I thought!!) Yet I had this nagging feeling “who am I, what am I, why am I here, what does my life want from me” I have always gravitated to writing, reading, learning.  Only now I realise I desired to live a creative life that the desire was to make explanation of the things I see and feel.  But I had no place to make sense of these yearnings.

Writing has allowed me to make and have connection.  My life is draped in all these layers of light and dark and shadows and now I can to some degree make sense of my visual impairment.   I guess I will never fully be comfortable with the fact I am losing my eyesight because it is such an important part of functioning, but I am fortunate the I have discovered that most of what is experienced is through the heart which sees in its own way.  If you are reading this you are part of my discovery, connection and freedom, that there can be joy, happiness, and this amazing level of beauty even in places that are so dark and uncertain.   And while most of my thoughts have been off in the clouds it is you that has kept me grounded in the earth.

Firstly Jules, you have shown me about dreaming and living the dreams.  You have so many times been my eyes and have taken me into the unknown, with the one thing known between us, that you have always made sure I have visually been alright, even when both of us have been sooooooooooooo drunk (and we have!) you just knew.  There have been so many days where I have longed for you and your friendship, and the fun, seeing live music which we love and just hanging out.  However, you have really inspired me to keep searching for goodness.  I am so proud of you and I am secretly (ok hasn’t exactly been a secret!!!) glad you are coming back to Melbourne....FUN TIMES AHEAD!!!!

Nicole, ALWAYS ALWAYS my favourite.  You have helped me grow up in so many ways.  I love you with all parts of my heart.  Thanks for always believing in me presenting me with opportunity, challenging me, for being the guide in the dark, introducing beautiful theatre to me, enjoying live music, movies, discussion, drinks, sleep overs and mostly giving me two beautiful kids to love and an uncle to laugh with and share his family values.  You are in my poems because you are in my heart.

Jackson and Isabel, you are my Happy Now kids; you are the butterflies, uncaged birds and whispering sunsets in my life.  I love you both very much; you are ONLY the love and joy in my life.

Samantha, Ashlie, Laura, Ally, Jess, Molly, Emma, Rebecca, Amie....my cousins, the "sisters" I don't fight with, thank you for bringing the fun and togetherness to my life, individually and collectively you have ALL brought love, honor, respect and connection to me (next year we take our road trip!!)

So the men.....ill mention a few, Dad; forgiveness has shown me your love.  David, my brother, you have given me the greatest gift your two beautiful children who I love more than love knows, Phillip, the uncle with reason and I love that you make my life better.  Troy, my friend and truth, thanks for believing in me.  To the other boys I have fallen in love with this year....thanks for bringing forth words from undiscovered places.

Nan, I am probably the luckiest 33 year old I know.  You have given me 33 years of unconditional love.  You never say “no” and even for things you don’t understand you have always given me the support I need.  You feed my body and constantly feed my soul.  You have taught me all the important lessons.  LISTEN, not always with the ears but with the heart.  Not every space needs to be filled with words; sometimes in the listening we learn the most.  WORK HARD, if you can lift your head, get up and go and get into life.  GIVE, unconditionally the heart should give.  You have shown me that money shared is money multiplied.  And finally FAMILY, always the most important thing we have.  Nothing beats the comforts of being embraced by it.  Thank you for always believing in me.  I love sharing laughter with you, and we have had some fun.  You will always be a part of me, and I love you very much.

Poetry came to my life in a remarkable way, through a friendship I could only wish for other people to experience.  To share YOUR creative experience with another person and feel for the first time in your life a sense of BEING is like a bird being released from a padlocked cage finally having the experience of freedom.  Melanie you are an amazing, beautiful, gifted woman, who without a question is the most inspiring poet/writer/woman/artist and friend.  We have flown in and out of each other’s lives over the past 18 years, however this past year our friendship has really cemented itself in time.  I know there has been some extremely testing times this past year, lots of learning and care and understanding from both of us.  You constantly bring greatness and beauty into my life and I am blessed with your presence.  Poetry has united our hearts; brought us joy, has freed our spirits and given us voice.  I believe whole heartedly in your words your desire, your vision, YOU.

Mum, we have clear boundaries about naming our relationship.  I am constantly reminded that I am lucky for you.  You are the mother I now realise I have always wanted.  You will never be my friend because you are greater than that.  I need you to know that you have ALWAYS been the best mother you can be.  It may appear to onlookers that we clash and fight but you and I know better.  There is no foolishness between us.  Our constant discussions have enriched my thinking and because of you I am a strong, independent, creative person.  Thank you for supporting my being and getting that I HAVE TO WRITE.  I know we joke about me not trusting you with my eyesight (and let’s be honest you have at times been hopeless and we both know it!!!) but the past year you have been enormous vessel of strength dealing with me.  You have caught my tears, been hard on me, you have battened down the hatches to prepare for the destruction, you have laughed with me, feared with me and have never stopped listening.  You understand more than anyone how my eye condition has killed some dreams BUT because of it you have seen along with me how it has pushed me to see in other ways.  You drive me to places, rescue me in the dark, you have put me at times before yourself so that I don’t miss out.  I will never have enough words to express my love for you, and I know we don’t talk “LOVE” in the Martin family but you are LOVE!

With graciousness and love........

1 comment:

  1. Thanks Sezza i do Love you to ???
    Bern

    ReplyDelete