what's love go to do with it

How an image can open a discussion between two strangers.

What is love and are we all courageous enough to fold away the "things" we believe IS love, and become defined by the true essence of what love can be??

Thanks so much to Dave, my new friend on instagram who has a gift of showing a richness and depth in his photos, check him out his username is

bodypiercingsavedmylife

You won't be disappointed. Thanks for reading my poem, and encouraging me to share it....




I love my iPhone 4s
I love my ps3
I love my fast car
I love my manufactured plasma tv
I love my designer branded coat
I love my sparkling boat
I love my multi function romote
I love my stuff, my things
I love what they do for me,
How I look and how I be
When did love become so flippant
Just another word
When did love become defined by object
When love longs for me to look deep in your eyes
And feel you wandering in my mind
Love wants to be in command

I love
I love

I love seeing the moment your heart feels the rays of sun break the flesh
I love how dandelion wishes brush your cheek
I love the warmth of your friendship amongst my clutter
I love your breath upon my soul
I love the crack of autumn leaves under your feet
I love how your music fills my lungs
I love how deep love can take me
I love it's truth
I love you
I love you

friendship

Friendships come in many forms and have many faces.  There are no rules in a good friendship......Below i wrote a year ago taken from words/text exchanged.....

Thanks for making my life better

She smiled

Thanks for coming back into my life in a big way

Thanks for bringing joy to my life

Thanks for caring and sharing

Thanks for believing in me

You are strong and have a beautiful soul

You are amazing and I believe in you

She smiled

Thanks for being you

The you I love

Words by Melanie and Sarah......all with love

MISSING JULIANNE

Craving
Knowing
Fretting
Forgetting
Heart withheld
Tune
Scratching
Breathing
Simply
Listening
Gnawing
Empty sadness
Longing
For you
Thoughts
Memories
Forever captured
In my heart

Purple Cloth

The purple cloth
Draped with silence
Hope breaks each morning
Cracking our souls
With its radiating beauty
Screaming as the winds change
Where is she?
The dream comes with sacrifice
Golden buds held amongst the swarm of bees
Praying for forgiveness
Why am I not good enough for you?
Lost amongst your hurt
As closed eyes flutter
Tomorrow the dawn may hide
Darkness will lead
But I will wait for you
Always....

VOMITING IN MY MOUTH AND SWALLOWING IT

A lovely evening shared with Damien and Jules.

Julianne.  My soul sister....I met her 5 years ago, when we owned DC's Cafe, she managed Boost and every morning, she would stop off at the cafe for a coffee.  To begin with we had nothing but idle chatter, complain about our hours, the fools the frequented Northland.  But as time went on we developed a friendship.  Well actually before that I must say she begged to be my friend (hahahahha, not really!!!) but she begged me week in and week out to come with her crew to Trivia at the local pub.  Week in and week out I would say no, not wanting to be a tag along, not knowing anyone and all these other little insecurities.  My Mum pointed out to me that Jules had asked me 3 times and I should at least do the courtesy of accepting her invitation.  So I did, and 5 years later and lots of different team members she and I STILL are a show at Trivia.

So that's where it all began for us.  She ended up working with us at the cafe, where she became the biggest of support to me.  She knows all she did, and I know all the things she did, she basically kept me going when giving up for me seemed like the only option.  She realised she wanted to be a teacher (and will be a GREAT one), fell in love with Damien (and so did I!), went to Japan, America, quit Boost, we have shared many, many, many drinks, she keeps me very leveled, and I always know when I need her, OUR normalness, no bullshit, no airy fairy emotions (that I always get trapped in), good old plain friendship.  Both being country girls, the earth and simpleness of life keeps us connected.  We both loooovvveeeee music, especially Kasey Chambers.

My soul sister.....we are the sisters without sisters.  I love that, and soon I will lose her to the outback, the earth and children of Bonya (near Alice Springs) call her.  Soon she will be my friend from a distance.  i am not ready for that yet.  So.....

ANYYYYYWAAAAYYYYYYYY.....last night we headed off to see The Wellingtons, Jules discovered and introduced them to me.  Our happy band, the band who makes you smile, the music, light and warm and beautiful.  It was fun, the city a buzz because of the Music Festival and the Fringe Festival.  Was fun, enjoyed it.

We headed back into Northcote where we decided to have dinner and drinks at The Wesley Ann, an old church turned into a pub.  Beautiful, grungy, easy going place.  Like it, good food and yep the beer was running freely....hahahah.  As usual our dissecting of the world didn't last long, we decided we don't like smug people, talked about music, work, teaching, books, my writing, but then things changed.

We, and don't ask me how arrived at my experience of vomiting in my mouth and swallowing it, while in the car on the way home from my cousins Deb a few moths ago.  Damien asked me if I had blogged about that.  Hahahaha, "NO" he said it was a good representation of life really and blogging and how people interactt and present themselves.

So as promised i said I would blog my tainted self.  hahahah....and unfortunately I see this as a wonderful (yet personally disgusting, and soooooo not proud, or dignified) moment of discovering metaphor.

Eating my words
Holding them in
The disgusting bile
That rises up my throat
Holding tightly shut
My mouth clutching
Onto the words from
My heart
My thoughts swish amongst
My teeth
The bitterness under my tongue
The gagging on truth
Asphyxiated by lies
Choking on my views
Vomiting in my mouth
And then swallowing it

Hey guys thanks for a great night.....hahhahahah

FALLING FEATHERS

Inspired by the three words
SHELL
FEATHER
CHARM

For my friend who I believe in very much, she brings light to my life, creates beauty, defines trust....you know it when you have it, it defines you, shelters you, nurtures and makes you believe.....is the friend all people need.

His feathers were at rest
Weary the body begins to fade
Yet the spirit prepares to take flight
Unable to remain with the body
As distant places call him
No longer anything the spirit can give
Goodbye
Taking to the sky
The spirit looks downward
At its empty shell
Shrivelled amongst the sand
Solitary and empty
Feeling his heart pulsating
Wondering can his spirit ever leave
I still love you he whispers
But you are my curse
Goodbye, goodbye my love
Let me leave with grace
Warmth radiates from the remains
He clutches at the charm
That drapes round his neck
The coolness of the stone
Held tight to his chest
Like the memory
Which lingers in the air
The past floating
And layers begin to fall
Salty tears flow from his eyes
As the waves crash against the shore
Remaining the rock and the heart
While the sky above catches on fire
A yellow glow covering his back
Feeling his skin covered in a new warmth
Daylight has returned
No longer held captive by night
He drops the stone
Releasing the past
The last lone feather drops
Spiralling toward the earth
The light caught on the water’s edge
Reflecting the deep green stone
Sparkling inward light
I won’t forget you

BOOK CLUB DAY (and my values)

Today I title BOOK CLUB DAY.....well I had all the books and he (Troy) watched, hahahahha.  I was thumbing through "The Happiness Project", you know sleep deprived people would take one extra hours sleep over a $60,000 pay rise.  How I have been feeling of late with complete sleep deprivation I would take that one hour over the money as well. 

Point one in the journey to happiness.  Restful sleep.....

So book club day continued......

I stopped flicking through the books and we talked.  Or should I say I talked and he listened.  I usually find myself being the listener in most situations, I like that role, I find comfort in the times I don't focus on the voice in my head.  But today for some reason I had to speak.

Whether its exhaustion, whether its my sensitive heart, whether its the writing itself, whether its the new elements of being forced to look deep within, but I suddenly have reached a cross roads and I hate how it is making me feel.

What am I meant to be doing with my life?
What are my goals?
What are my dreams?
What are my desires?

Am I meant to strive harder (because of my failing eyesight, or just because??).  Because I feel there are all these expectations placed upon me to BE, to BECOME, to WANT and to then ACHIEVE.  Do I want any of that, can I be any of that. 

I want to write, and I want to write well.

Isn't this enough??  I don't know if it is good enough to want more from it and do I even believe in it.  I keep using the words "flippant" and "fluffing around".  But today I realise these words are protection.  I fear. 

I notice the media and society show us all the above achievers, people especially with impairments, diseases, deformities etc overcome these hurdles and go on to achieve HUGE things.  I am not one of those people.  I am average Sarah, who has never wanted to be number one, or the best or recognised.  So why would I want that now??

So my discussion with Troy.  We decided firstly that happiness is sometimes not a happy place.  I do believe that.  Happiness is a place we strive for, when really it is a feeling, it is fleeting, it hangs around, it covers you with warmth, its inviting and resilient.  But sometimes is daunting and hard work, extremely time consuming and frustrating.

HAPPINESS....

I am fortunate, I have a good heart.  I see things with goodness, and I always want good things for people.  People I care about DESERVE to be in a place of comfort and joy and have hearts that experience freedom.

That's all I want for myself.

Is that enough?  Or am I trying to convince myself that is enough so I don't want more.  Am I scared to jump off the ledge into the world.  Is it the darkness that holds me back in more ways than I have ever known and is it my confrontation with that that makes me realise that there is more to this personal puzzle than I realise??  Troy, somewhat reflected back to me that I do have fear and it does stop me, and that I do struggle to identify what I want from my life because I am scared.  Enter Melanie.  She is the light that has sparked my connection with the written word and I have lit the internal flame that has driven me to write and believe in my words. I am so lucky to have her in this special place. She believes in me and she has encouraged me in so many ways. For that I am blessed, for that I am fortunate, for that I am able to grow....


She sees me for what I am, nothing less nothing more.  She wants happiness for me, she wants me to WANT it for MYSELF.  She writes, she dreams she desires and she works bloody hard to have it all.  I admire her so very much.  She gets it, she gets me....

I am scared.

I don't want to be the BEST.  I just want to BE and that means find comfort for myself in myself.  I don't want doubt words scaring me into hiding, the shadows of life frightening me. 

I value you Troy.

I value you Melanie.

an orange covered book

crumpled pages

like clouds weaved amongst

the sun of Springs first morning

uplifting the spirit

the guilt of time passed

through the night

the soul was released in the dark

like the blind feeling moth

Thanks for Book Club Day, thanks for two beautiful friends and thanks for the heart to grow

THE WAYS OF THE PEOPLE

Last night was the final poetry class. Spending time with Melanie has been the best this year.  Learnt so much from her teachings, and from my own teachings, some interesting and beautiful discussions.  Thank you my friend.  We ended our "car" discussion with SIMPLE THOUGHTS FOR SIMPLE PEOPLE. Discussion lead to thought and thought lead to a sleepless night and words.  It got me thinking that I really admire those who live integral lives with simple ways of thinking.
A simple person has a more comfortable presence and personality, the more simple the more ideal.

I realise I guess there are two ways of how people can work at life either as a problem or simply as a a SITUATION. 

I read a parable last night by Osho where there as a king (always about Kings!!!) who wanted to appoint a prime minister so he gathered together four great thinkers and he put them in a room.  He said he would lock them in and their challenge was to solve the puzzle of unlocking the door.  The first one to solve the puzzle become prime minister.

Three of the four thinkers jumped straight into working out the problem.  They observed numbers on the lock and wrote them down as they began working out the PROBLEM.

The fourth thinker simply sat himself in a corner.  Of course the other thinkers thought he was mad.  After a few minutes he stood up, went to the door and opened it and left.

The other three were all still scratching their heads trying to sole the PROBLEM, that they didn't even notice the fourth thinker had left.

Eventually the King came with the fourth man, telling the others to stop, that he had found his Prime Minister.  "This is the man".  They could not believe their eyes.

How could this happen??  Even I question, where was he deserving.

The fourth thinker however realised there was no PROBLEM.  The basic thing was to work out of the door was locked or not.  He meditated silently, gathered his consciousness and pondered.  The first simple ask

"IS THERE A PROBLEM OR NOT????"

If there is, solve it.  If not there is nothing to be solved.  That's what the fourth thinker did.  He checked if the door was locked, and it wasn't.

Its about being aware I guess.

So I have thought all day how can I live a SIMPLE LIFE?????  And I have come up with a few key things I think

1) Understand yourself.  Recognise your calling and live toward that that as much as possible.  SIMPLE do what you love and love what you do.

2) Spend less money than you earn.  SIMPLE abundance is in the heart really.

3) Connect with people, the earth and the universe.  SIMPLE you are not alone.

4) Don't judge, no event person or circumstance.  SIMPLE everything is at its best for that moment.

5) Live with intention, embrace what shows up.  SIMPLE each person, circumstance that comes your way is a gift, be gracious.

6) Love fully without conditions, especially yourself.  SIMPLE with love you will feel the most amount of joy.

7) Know there is enough for all.  SIMPLE be generous.

8) Live in the moment, learn from the past and anticipate the future.  SIMPLE, now is all that is important.

9) Know the joy you seek is already with you.  SIMPLE look within.

10) Breathe.  SIMPLE it calms the soul

mmmmmm just some ideas....always ideas....